How To Catch An Ape

An enterprising mayor of the city of Granby, Quebec, a community south
of Montreal, established a municipal zoo that has become a significant
tourist attraction. It has also given rise to many unusual events.

Last September one of the star attractions, Arnold, an Indonesian ape,
escaped to the dismay of the zoo director. The matter was a serious one
because the members of the staff of the zoo, while expert at caring for
animals, had had no experience whatsoever in rounding them up or
capturing them.

The zoo director appealed to the office of the mayor for help and the
secretary to the mayor asked, "Have you looked in the yellow pages?"
The director said he hadn't, but would, immediately.

To his surprise, under "animal capturing service" he found a listing
for the Acme Ape Apprehenders. He called them immediately.

Within 20 minutes a panel truck arrived at the admin office of the zoo
and a small man emerged and rushed to the director who was waiting at
the door.

"Is there a wooded area in the vicinity?" the little man asked. The
director said there was, within one half mile from the zoo. "Hop in the
truck," the little man said. The director did and they drove off.

Minutes later they arrived at a small grove and immediately spotted
Arnold on a branch about 25 feet above the ground.

The two men got out, went to the back of the truck and the little man
opened the door. An excited little dog jumped out and began running
around in circles.

The little man reached into the truck and took out a suitcase which he
opened. In the suitcase were a pair of handcuffs, which he handed to
the zoo director, a sawed off shotgun, which he leaned against the trunk
of the tree, and a baseball bat.

"Now," the little man said, "I'm going up into the tree with the
baseball bat, and I'm going to knock the ape out of the tree. The
instant the ape hits the ground the dog, well trained, will grab the ape
by the crotch. The ape, instantly and instinctively will grab at his
crotch with both hands and then you snap the handcuffs on and we've got him."

The zoo director, pointing to the shotgun leaning against the tree, said
"I'm not too sure about this, what's the gun for?"

The little man said, "Look, I'm an expert. I know what I'm doing and
things will go just fine, after all, I have the baseball bat. I know my
job and it'll never happen but if the ape should, by any chance, knock
ME out of the tree, SHOOT THE DOG!!!"