A lady goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her husband. She doesn't know which one to get, so walks over to the register. A Wal-mart associate is standing there with sunglasses on. She says, "Excuse me sir ... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm blind, but if you'll drop it on the counter I can tell you about it."
She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 220 reel and a 10-lb test line.
It's a good all-around rod and reel, and it's $20."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it."
He walks behind the counter to the register. She bends down to get her purse and farts. At first, she's embarrassed but then realizes that there's no way he would know it was her because being blind, he wouldn't know she was the only person there.
He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."
She says, "But didn't you say it was $20?"
He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20, the duck call is $3, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50. Thank you for shopping Wal-Mart."
An 86 year-old man is out fishing. He was sitting in his boat when he heard a voice say,
"Pick me up!"
He looked around and did not see any one. He thought he was dreaming until he heard the voice again.
"Pick me up." The old man looked in the water and there, floating on a lilly pad was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog replied, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have
ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."
The man looked at the frog for a minute in confusion, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.
The frog screamed, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride!"
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
I went fishing one morning but after a short time I ran out of worms.
Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. "Frogs are good bass bait," I said to myself.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniel's and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back and he went limp.
I released back him into the lake without
incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that damn snake, with two more frogs.
Life is good in the South.
Standing at the edge of a lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars."
The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.
Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred?"
The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."
The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"
A man was stopped by a game warden as he was leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The man was carrying two buckets of fish, so the game warden asked him, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?!" the warden said.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" the game warden replied.
The man poured the fish into the water and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" the man asked.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH."
"What fish?" the man asked.
A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says,"Yeah. I was a salesman back in North Dakota." Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and See how you did." His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today? The kid says, "One".
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says, "$101,237.65".
The boss says, "$101,237.65?" What the heck did you sell?" The kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"
The kid said, "No the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot - you should go fishing."
