The Miracle of a Brother's Song

Like any good mother, when Karen found out that another baby was on the way, she did what she could do to help her 3-year-old son, Michael, prepare for a new sibling. They found out that the new baby was going to be a girl, and day after day, night after night, Michael would sing to his sister in Mommy's tummy.

The pregnancy progressed normally for Karen. Then the labor pains came. Every five minutes... every minute. 

But complications arose during delivery. Hours of labor. A C-Section was required. Finally, Michael's little sister was born, but she was in serious condition. With sirens howling in the night, the ambulance rushed the infant to the neonatal intensive care unit at St. Mary's Hospital in Knoxville, Tennessee.

The days inched by. The little girl got worse. The pediatric specialist tells the parents, "There is little hope. Be prepared for the worst." Karen and her husband contacted a local cemetery about a burial plot. The had fixed up a special room in their home for the new baby - now they plan a funeral. Michael, kept begging his parent to let him see his sister, "I want to sing to her," he says.

Week two in intensive care. It looked as if a funeral would come before the week was over. Michael keeps nagging about singing to his sister, but kids are never allowed in Intensive Care.

Karen made up her mind. She would take Michael whether they liked it or not. If he didn't see his sister now, he would never see her alive.

She dressed him in an oversized scrub suit and marched him into ICU. He looked like a walking laundry basket, but the head nurse recognized him as a child and bellowed, "Get that kid out of here now! No children are allowed in ICU."

The mother rises up strong in Karen, and the usually mild-mannered lady glares steel-eyed into the head nurse's face, her lips a firm line. "He is not leaving until he sings to his sister!"

Karen tows Michael to his sister's bedside. He gazes at the tiny infant losing the battle to live. And he begins to sing. In the pure-hearted voice of a 3-year-old, Michael sings:

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray —"

Instantly the baby girl responded. The pulse rate became calm and steady.

"You never know, dear, how much I love you, Please don't take my sunshine away —"

The ragged strained breathing became as smooth as a kitten's purr.

"The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms . . ."

Michael's little sister relaxes as rest, healing rest, seemed to sweep over her. Tears conquered the face of the bossy head nurse. Karen glowed.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. Please don't take my sunshine away."

Funeral plans were scrapped. The next day, the very next day, the little girl was well enough to go home! Woman's Day magazine called it "the miracle of a brother's song." The medical staff just called it a miracle.

The Task

God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me."

Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"

God said, "Go down into that valley."

Adam said, "What's a valley?"

God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river."

Adam said, "What's a river?"

God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill..."

Adam said, "What is a hill?"

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."

Adam said, "What's a cave?"

After God explained, He said, "In the cave you will find a woman."

Adam said, "What's a woman?'

So God explained that to him, too. Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."

Adam said, "How do I do that?"

God first said (under His breath), "Geez..."

And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman. Then, in about five minutes, he was back.

God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"

And Adam said, "What's a headache?"

Pain Transfer

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

The Adoption

A blond married couple were delighted when, finally, their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a beautiful Russian baby boy and the couple agreed to adopt him, without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.

After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "Whatever possessed you to study Russian?"

The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."

The Mini-Midwife

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic was available to respond to the call.

The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.

Mommy pushed and pushed and after a little while, Baby Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom and he began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for all her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen with great indignation responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place! Smack his bottom again!"

Bad Baby

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s office.

"Why is your stomach so big?” he asks.

“I´m having a baby.” she replies.

“Is the baby in your stomach?” he asks, with his eyes wide.

“Yes, it is.” she says.

“Is it a good baby?” he asks, with a puzzled look.

“Oh, yes. A very good baby.” the lady replies.

Obviously shocked and very surprised, he cries out, “Then why did you eat him?!”

The Middle Wife

This is one my favorite kid stories, as told by an anonymous 2nd grade teacher...

"I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along."

The Man With The Golden Arm

An Australian man who has been donating his extremely rare kind of blood for over 50 years has saved the lives of more than two million babies.

James Harrison, 77, has an antibody in his plasma that stops babies dying from Rhesus disease, a form of severe anaemia. He has enabled countless mothers to give birth to healthy babies, including his own daughter, Tracey, who had a healthy son thanks to her father’s blood. James’ blood contains a life-saving antibody which prevents Rh(D) negative women developing Rh(D) antibodies during pregnancy, which can harm the unborn child.

When James was just 14 years old, he received a life-saving blood transfusion during an invasive chest surgery. Grateful for this gift, Harrison pledged to pay it forward by becoming a blood donor when he was old enough.

True to his word, after turning 18, he became a regular donor. He is an extraordinary man whose willingness to serve his fellow man has earned him the nickname as, "the man with the golden arm."

Sometimes They Come With Tails

For about five months, Alexis Khan worked as a babysitter for the Jordan family in North Carolina. Unbeknownst to the Jordans, Alexis began physically and verbally abusing their son, Finn, starting from when he was only 2 months old. This horrendous abuse might have continued if not for the Jordans' loyal family dog, Killian.

The characteristically sweet-tempered Killian began to act aggressively towards Khan whenever she approached the child - and the parents quickly took notice. The extent of the abuse was only uncovered after the Jordans placed an audio recorder in the home that documented Khan cursing at and hitting the baby. Khan was arrested for child abuse shortly thereafter.

Today, Alexis Khan is in jail, and Finn Jordan is a healthy, happy little boy. If it hadn't been for the family's protective and loving dog, Killian, this story might have ended quite differently. Killian is not through being a hero. He is currently training to be a psychiatric service animal.

It's good to remember that there really are some truly wonderful beings on this planet - and sometimes they come with tails.

A Penny For Your Thoughts

One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, scepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts," she said.

"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $67.50."

Mother's Milk

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed" she replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."

"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."

Mother's Milk

Students in an advanced biology class were taking a mid-term. The last question, worth 70 points or none at all was: "Name seven advantages of mother's milk."

The student in question had also partied the night before, and was hard put to think of 7 advantages. 

He wrote:

1.  It is a perfect formula for the child.

2.  It provides immunity against several diseases.

3.  It is always available as needed.

4.  It is always at the right temperature.

5.  It is inexpensive.

6.  It bonds the child to the mother, and vice versa.

And then, the student was stuck. Finally, just before the bell indicating the end of the test was rang, he wrote:

7.  It comes in cute containers.

He was the only student to ace the exam.

Monday, Again?

TOMORROW IS MONDAY? AGAIN? I don't think I can take it any longer.

Special Delivery

As I entered the hospital elevator, a disheveled-
looking young man rushed in behind me carrying a ceramic blue baby bootie arranged with flowers.

I smiled knowingly and asked, 
“Does he look like you?”

“I hope not,” he said. “I just deliver flowers.”

How People Were Born

A child asked his father, "How were people born?"

His father replied, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."

The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"

His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

A Beautiful Monkey

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Twins

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed.

Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you."

The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" and said with trepidation, "Well what did you name them?"

The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise."

The husband, relieved, said, "That's a very pretty name! What did you come up with for my son?"

The brother replied, "Denephew."

Daddy's A Gamer!

My daddy is a geek! But I'm living proof he scored at least once.

Who Remembers?

Am I the only one who remembers having to use these?

The Curse

To the 20-something skinny girl making fun of the mom "with cellulite" pushing the stroller - I hope you have a baby with a HUGE head someday.