Embrace Life

A man of 92 years, short, very well-presented, who takes great care in his appearance, is moving into an old people’s home today. His wife of 70 has recently died, and he is obliged to leave his home.After waiting several hours in the retirement home lobby, he gently smiles as he is told that his room is ready.

As he slowly walks to the elevator, using his cane, I describe his small room to him, including the sheet hung at the window which serves as a curtain.

"I like it very much," he says, with the enthusiasm of an 8 year old boy who has just been given a new puppy

"Mr. Smith, you haven’t even seen the room yet, hang on a moment, we are almost there."

"That has nothing to do with it," he replies.

“Happiness is something I choose in advance. Whether or not I like the room does not depend on the furniture, or the decor – rather it depends on how I decide to see it."

"It is already decided in my mind that I like my room. It is a decision I take every morning when I wake up."

"I can choose. I can spend my day in bed enumerating all the difficulties that I have with the parts of my body that no longer work very well, or I can get up and give thanks to heaven for those parts that are still in working order. Every day is a gift, and as long as I can open my eyes, I will focus on the new day, and all the happy memories that I have built up during my life."

"Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw in later life what you have deposited along the way."

So, my advice to you is to deposit all the happiness you can in your bank account of memories.

Thank you for your part in filling my account with happy memories, which I am still continuing to fill…

Remember these simple guidelines for happiness.

1. Free your heart from hate.

2. Free your mind from worry.

3. Live simply.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less.

The History of Aprons

I don't think our kids know what an apron is. The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath because she only had a few. It was also because it was easier to wash aprons than dresses and aprons used less material. But along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven.

It was wonderful for drying children's tears and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears.

From the chicken coop the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks and sometimes half hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.

When company came those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.

And when the weather was cold Grandma wrapped it around her arms.

Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.

Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.

From the garden it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled, it carried out the hulls.

In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees.

When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.

When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron and the men folk knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.

It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that 'old-time apron' that served so many purposes."

25-ish Signs That You’re Really Lazy

You know you're lazy when you stumble across something you fully identify with called "25-ish Signs That You’re Really Lazy" by Christopher Hudspeth on the thoughtcatalog.com.

1. Your clean clothes are currently in the dryer and will remain there for the next few weeks, only being taken out piece by piece, as they are needed.

2. You’ve sat through terrible movies and awful television because the remote was on the table across from you.

3. You’re perfectly capable of walking but you’ll drive around a parking lot for 20 minutes if it means getting a decent parking spot.

4. Upon entering the store, you make eyes and salivate at those motorized chairs. If it weren’t for the fact that people would judge; you’d absolutely shop on one of those bad boys.

5. You’ve waited for a backed up escalator when there’s a fully functional set of stairs right next to it.

6. Haircuts are few and far between – not because money is an issue, but using energy on body maintenance isn’t something you’re willing to consistently do.

7. You let serious shit slide because you don’t want to deal with the lengthy problem resolution. Did they just rear-end my car? Oh well, I don’t feel like exchanging insurance info and all that mess – I’m sure you can barely see the broken tail lights and bumper damage.

8. Holding pee. And holding it, and holding it, and holding it until you absolutely have to go before you wet yourself or earn a serious UTI.

9. The mailman has to hand deliver your overflowing stack of envelopes and papers to your door because you only check it when you ordered something off Amazon.

10. You text and call people who are ten feet away in the next room.

11. When prior engagements are cancelled and you’re secretly ecstatic.

12. You do things like drink out of bowls or eat pasta with spoons because taking a moment to wash some dirty dishes is absurd.

13. You type slowly, with one finger at a time because your other hand is currently busy being comfortable and idle in its position.

14. You don’t respond to a text because it might result in a full blown text-versation that would require you to type and send stuff back and junk.

15. You eat cold food that has no business being eaten in any temperature cooler than the room. You do this because standing 30 seconds while it heats in the microwave seems like hard work.

16. You do microwave something but you hit 1:11 because it’s easier than pressing 1:00.

17. When people post the numbers they found relatable in the comments, you’ll be too lazy to scroll back up and see which one they’re referring to.

18. You’re 2 minutes late for something so you convince yourself that it’d just be better to skip it entirely.

19. You hope that karma is a real thing because you don’t have the energy to get revenge on wrongdoers.

20. On cleaning days you contribute by lifting up your feet so someone can vacuum under you.

21-25. You use stale tactics and lame shortcuts to finish things.

25 Ways You Know You’re a Stay at Home Mom

I read this on scarymommy.com and nearly choked on my coffee! These are the 25 Ways You Know You’re a Stay at Home Mom:

1. At least half of your meals consist of your child’s leftovers.

2. When your husband asks, “what did you do today?” you can’t muster up a single thing to report, despite feeling like you’ve been put through the spin cycle of the washing machine.

3. Your kids ask where you are going when you put on jeans.

4. You can clean your entire house with a package of baby wipes.

5. A “night out” is roaming the aisles at Target alone.

6. The TV has been on all day, but you have no idea what’s happening in world news.

7. Showering is a major accomplishment.

8. Your kids see you naked more often than your husband.

9. You actually know what the fox says, or what it could say at least, because 50% of your time is spent making animal sounds.

10. Your mood depends solely on the length of time your child napped for.

11. Putting a bra on means someone special is coming over.

12. On the way out the door, You look down at your kids crusty food on your shirt and think to yourself, eh, it’s not that bad. Or worse, you pick it off and actually taste it.

13. You fake stomach problems once your husband gets home, just so you can be alone in your own bathroom.

14. Your dog barks when you put “real” shoes on.

15. You have invited Jehovahs Witnesses in on more than one occasion, and scared them off after asking if they’d like a dirty martini.

16. You have to check the weather outside before you head out because you have no idea how cold or warm it is because you haven’t been out in days.

17. You consider going on Facebook “spending time with your friends.”

18. You’ve been wearing the same outfit for a couple days in a row…and you’re not sure exactly how many “a couple” means.

19. You’ve contemplated performing your own hysterectomy while preparing dinner… more than once.

20. Your vacuum cleaner is a permanent fixture in [insert the busiest room in the house] and hasn’t been unplugged for three months.

21. You have no idea what the date or day of the week is, but you can tell what time it is just by what cartoon is on TV.

22. It’s only 9AM and you’ve thought “I need a drink.”

23. You’re nursing an infant on the toilet while simultaneously scheduling a doctor’s visit.

24. The cup of coffee you are drinking at lunch is the cup you made at 5:30am, just reheated for the 100th time.

25. You don’t want to go to bed at night because the silence is just too beautiful, no matter how tired you are.

Bananas On A Ladder

“The most damaging phrase in the language is: ‘It’s always been done that way.'” ~ Grace Hopper


A group of scientists placed five monkeys in a cage, and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on top.

Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the monkeys with cold water.

After a while, every time a monkey would start up the ladder, the others would pull it down and beat it up.

After a time, no monkey would dare try climbing the ladder, no matter how great the temptation.

The scientists then decided to replace one of the monkeys. The first thing this new monkey did was start to climb the ladder. Immediately, the others pulled him down and beat him up.

After several beatings, the new monkey learned never to go up the ladder, even though there was no evident reason not to, aside from the beatings.

The second monkey was substituted and the same occurred. The first monkey participated in the beating of the second monkey. A third monkey was changed and the same was repeated. The fourth monkey was changed, resulting in the same, before the fifth was finally replaced as well.

What was left was a group of five monkeys that – without ever having received a cold shower – continued to beat up any monkey who attempted to climb the ladder.

If it was possible to ask the monkeys why they beat up on all those who attempted to climb the ladder, their most likely answer would be “I don’t know. It’s just how things are done around here.”

Does that sound familiar?

Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee

These are the signs that you may drink too much coffee...

1. You answer the door before people knock.
2. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
3. You ski uphill.
4. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
5. You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
6. You lick your coffeepot clean.
7. You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.
8. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
9. You chew on other people’s fingernails.
10. Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.”
11. You can type sixty words per minute … with your feet.
12. You can jump-start your car without cables.
13. Cocaine is a downer.
14. You don’t need a hammer to pound nails.
15. Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”
16. You don’t sweat, you percolate.
17. You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
18. You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
19. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
20. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
21. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
23. Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
24. You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
25. People get dizzy just watching you.
26. You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.
27. The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.
28. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
29. Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
30. Instant coffee takes too long.
31. When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”
32. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
33. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
34. You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.
35. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
36. You can thread a sewing machine, while it’s running.
37. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
38. You short out motion detectors.
39. You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
40. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
41. You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
42. You don’t tan, you roast.
43. You can’t even remember your second cup.
44. You help your dog chase its tail.

A Trip To The Country

What exactly does it mean to be POOR?

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah," said the son.

"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?

Think Outside The Box

Today I am going to share with you a question I was asked in a job interview 8 years ago. This question really inspired me and changed my outlook on the way I thought and approached problems.

Question: You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it’s raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die,
2. An old friend who once saved your life,
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to if there could only be one passenger in your car?

This is a moral/ethical dilemma, so let’s look at the options that were in my head at the time:

* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;

* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.

* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

I won’t tell you what answer I gave, but needless to say, I didn’t get the job. But I was intrigued, so I called back a week later and asked what the right answer was…

Here is what they told me:

The candidate who was hired gave this answer:

“I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.”

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to “Think Outside the Box.”

How To Tell You're In Southern California

As a native Southern Californian, I have to laugh at these truisms...

You consult your horoscope before planning your day.

The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.

Your co-worker tells you he/she has 8 body piercings... and none are visible.

You make over $250,000 and still can't afford a house.

A really great parking space can move you to tears.

A low-speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.

You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits, a fab exercise facility, and tofu takeout.

You're thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between aromatherapy and conversational Mandarin.

Your best friends just named their twins after her acting coach and his personal trainer.

The three-hour traffic jam you just sat through wasn't caused by a horrific 9 car pile-up, but by everyone slowing to rubberneck at a lost shoe laying on the shoulder.

Your child's 3rd grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.

You can't remember... is pot illegal?

You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.

You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by.

Breakfast At McDonald's

This is a good story and is true, please read it all the way through till the end! (After the story there are some very interesting facts!):

I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with.

Her last project of the term was called "Smile." The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway, so, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.

Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special play time with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did.

I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around I smelled a horrible "dirty body" smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was "smiling". His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, "Good day" as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue eyed gentleman was his salvation. I held my tears as I stood there with them.

The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, "Coffee is all, Miss" because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm). Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes.

That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue eyed gentleman's cold hand.

He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Thank you.." I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, "I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope." I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, "That is why God gave you to me, Honey. To give me hope." We held hands for a moment and at that time we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give.

We are not church goers, but we are believers. That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love. I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand I turned in "my project" and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, "Can I share this?" I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class. She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God, share this need to heal people and to be healed.

In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my husband, son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student. I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn: UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.


An Angel once wrote:

"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart.

God gives every bird it's food, but He does not throw it into it's nest."

~ Author Unknown

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity...

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"

7. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't Use Any Punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Hard.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling

"Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...

20. Share This With Someone To Make Them Smile... It's Called Therapy.

What Having Kids Has Taught Me

Let me tell you... when you have kids, you find out so many interesting things, such as...

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old kid can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old boy.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject "PB&J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, Texas has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. 80% of women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25. 80% of men who read this and try the brake fluid and clorox mix.....(but, boys, it's toxic, so wear a mask)

The Glass

A psychology professor walks around on a stage while teaching stress management principles to an auditorium filled with students. As she raises a glass of water, everyone expects her to ask the typical “is the glass half empty or glass half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, the professor asks, “How heavy is this glass of water I’m holding?”

Students shout out answers ranging from eight ounces to a couple pounds.

She replies, “From my perspective, the absolute weight of this glass doesn’t matter. It all depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute or two, it’s fairly light. If I hold it for an hour straight, its weight might make my arm ache a little. If I hold it for a day straight, my arm will likely cramp up and feel completely numb and paralyzed, forcing me to drop the glass to the floor. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it feels to me.”

As the class shakes their heads in agreement, she continues, “Your stresses and worries in life are very much like this glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and you begin to ache a little. Think about them all day long, and you will feel completely numb and paralyzed - incapable of doing anything else until you drop them. It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses and worries. No matter what happens during the day, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the night and into the next day with you. If you still feel the weight of yesterday’s stress, it’s a strong sign that it’s time to put the glass down."

I Am Me

I don't have an amazing figure or a flat stomach. I'm far from being considered a model. I eat food. I have curves. I have more fat than I should. I have scars, because I have a history. Some people love me, some like me, some hate me. I have done good. I have done bad. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not. I am who I am, you can love me or not. I won't change. And if I love you, I do it with my heart. I make no apologies for the way I am, for I am me. <3

Telephone Technology

After having dug to a depth of 1000 meters last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 1000 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed British scientists dug to a depth of 2000 meters, and shortly after headlines in the UK newspapers read: "British archaeologists have found traces of 2000 year copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a thousand years earlier than the Scots."

One week later, Texas newspapers reported the following: "After digging as deep as 5000 meters in West Texas, Texas A&M scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have, therefore, concluded that 5000 years ago Texas inhabitants were already using wireless technology."

Test of Three

Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you hear, or are out to repeat a rumor...

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students...?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."

"Test of Three?"

"That's correct," Socrates continued.

"Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass though because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really..."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife.

Few Things Feel Better

Few things in life feel better than taking your bra off at the end of a long day.

Time And Place

There's a time and a place for wine, in my hand and now.

I'd Rather Live

I'd rather live here... than here!

Bras At Walmart

Why do they sell bras at Walmart? I appear to be the only one wearing one when I'm in the store.