Mary and her husband Jim had a dog, Lucky. Lucky was a real character and whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit, they would warn their friends to not leave their luggage open because Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy. Inevitably someone would forget and something would come up missing. Mary or Jim would go to Lucky's toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be, amid all of Lucky's favorite toys. Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box.
It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. A double mastectomy was scheduled and Mary waited for the surgery date with fear riding her shoulders. The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck her... what would happen to Lucky? Although the three year old dog liked Jim, he was Mary's dog through and through. "If I die Lucky will be abandoned," Mary thought. "He won't understand that I didn't want to leave him." The thought of that made her sadder than her own possible demise.
The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the dog just drooped, whining and miserable. Finally, the day came for Mary to leave the hospital and when she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she couldn't even make it up the steps to her bedroom. Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap.
Lucky stood watching Mary but he didn't come to her when she called. It made Mary sad, but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed. When Mary woke for a second she couldn't understand what was wrong. She couldn't move her head and her body felt heavy and hot. Panic soon gave way to laughter though when Mary realized the problem.... she was covered, literally blanketed, in every treasure Lucky owned! While she had slept the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement and back bringing his beloved mistress his favorite things in life. He had smothered her with his love. At that moment, Mary decided to forget about dying and, instead, she and Lucky began living again, walking further and further together every night.
It has been 12 years now and Mary remains cancer-free. And Lucky? He still steals treasures and stashes them in his toy box, but Mary will always be his greatest treasure.
The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade. One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "Why, nothing," Peter replied, "remember, this is your reward in Heaven." The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.
"What are the greens fees?" grumbled the old man. "This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You can play for free, every day."
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages. "Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the man. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy." The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.
"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he asked. "That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This IS Heaven!"
The old man pushed, "No gym to work out at?" "Not unless you want to," was the answer. "No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..." Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."
The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your idiot bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!"
Fred feared his wife Rhonda wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
"Here's what you do," said the Doctor. "Stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Rhonda, what's for dinner?" Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again there is no response..
So he walks right up behind her. "Rhonda, what's for dinner?"
"For the FIFTH time Fred, CHICKEN!!"
I don't have an amazing figure or a flat stomach. I'm far from being considered a model. I eat food. I have curves. I have more fat than I should. I have scars, because I have a history. Some people love me, some like me, some hate me. I have done good. I have done bad. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not. I am who I am, you can love me or not. I won't change. And if I love you, I do it with my heart. I make no apologies for the way I am, for I am me. <3
That moment you think you're losing weight, and then you remember you haven't washed your jeans in a week.
"Okay, Mr. Smith. Just stick it in between those two devices." Awww... if only women could rule the world, men would know how we feel... ;-P
“There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.” ~ Kenneth Blanchard
You have a tail because we eat GMOs (genetically modified foods), chemical fertilizers, and pesticides. On the bright side, you can use it to run faster.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because your body and your fat have become really good friends over the years.
Better than fries! Cut potatoes almost all the way through, drizzle olive oil, butter, some sea salt, and pepper over top and bake in oven at 425 degrees for 40 minutes. These are an incredibly yummy and healthy alternative to traditional frying. ; )
