The Potty Mouth

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to “clean up” the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said, “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, “May I ask what the turkey did?”

All Aboard!

A few days after Christmas, Martha was in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell, "All you sons of b*tches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! All of you sons of b*tches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause were leaving."

Martha went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now, I want you to go into your room for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I don't want to hear any bad language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of his room and continues playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and Martha heard him say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today. For those of you who are pissed off with the two hour delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."

Why, Yes...

Why, yes, I have been known to use all the swear words in a single sentence... when I was thinking of a name for my Facebook page, I wanted something that would let people know that I liked humor with an edge, so it never fails to amaze that people would follow a page with such a name and then complain about any profanity or content with bathroom humor that is posted on it... people really can be funny at times...