Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared and they got on their way and enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked: "Bob, do you remember that good looking widow from the farm we stayed at during our ski trip up north?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?"
"Yes," he said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her yours?"
Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah... I'm sorry, buddy, I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"
"No need to apologize, Bob. She just died and left me everything with a note thanking me for the best night of her life!"
Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult for a married couple to coordinate their travel schedules.
So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife set to fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel and found there was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife to let her know that he had arrived safely.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address and, without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.
He was a minister who had been called home to glory, following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her emai,l expecting to see messages from friends and relatives; however, after reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
Her son rushed into the room and found his mother passed out on the floor He looked at the computer and saw on the screen a message which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2014
I know you're surprised to hear from me, but they have computers here now and we are allowed to send emails to our loved ones.
I've just arrived and checked in with no problems. I see that everything is set for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
Bobby was sitting on the porch talking to his Grandpa when he innocently asked, “Grandpa, do you know how to make animal sounds?”
“I sure do” Grandpa replied. “What sort of animal sound would you like to hear?”
“How about a toad? Do you know how to sound like a toad?”
“Sure”, said Grandpa, cupping his hand to his mouth, “croaaak croaaak, how did you like that?!”
“Yipee!” screamed Bobby jumping up and down, “We're going to Miami!”
“Huh?” His Grandpa asked. “Why’s that?”
“Because Grandma said so,” Bobby patiently explained, “she said that after you croak, we're all going to Miami!”
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
I need a vacation, but I'm broke. Wonder how far away Calgon. Xanax, and margaritas will take me?
