My Scale

My scale is trying to make me feel fat again. Jealous lying whore.

The Curse

To the 20-something skinny girl making fun of the mom "with cellulite" pushing the stroller - I hope you have a baby with a HUGE head someday.

My Diet

My diet can best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."

Some Day

Some day I'll be skinny... today is not that day.

That Moment

That moment you think you're losing weight, and then you remember you haven't washed your jeans in a week.

I Wish

I wish I were as fat as I was the first time I thought I was fat.

You Never Know

I'm the type of person who keeps plastic forks in my desk at work... because you never know when cake will happen.

My Daydreams

Unfortunately, my daydreams about being skinny are always interrupted by the sound of my own chewing.

Chalk Outline

All I ask is that if I'm ever murdered, you make my chalk outline four sizes smaller.

New Diet

No lunch for me. I'm on a new diet called, "I have Five Dollars till Friday."

Bitching

Too bad bitching doesn't burn calories, because if it did, I'd be a freaking supermodel!

My Diet

Why yes I am on a diet; it's called the too rich for food stamps, but too poor to buy food diet.

Not What I Ordered

This is not what I ordered... this is exactly how I feel when I'm on a diet... in my head, I've ordered the double cheeseburger, large fries, and regular Coke... when my actual order of a salad with diet dressing arrives, I always feel like this... ;-P

I Used To Skinny Dip

I used to skinny dip... now I chunky dunk... true story! ;-P

Eating Disorder

I have an eating disorder... I'm about to eat dis order of fries... dis order of wings... and dis order of nuggets.

Free Fashion Advice

Want to get rid of that muffin-top fast? Try wearing pants that fit.

Stressed

Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not! Sugar industry conspiracy? I think so! ;-P

I Wash My Mouth Out

Every time I hear that dirty word "Exercise" I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

Halloween Is Near!

Hip Hip Hooray! Halloween is near! It's not the ghoulies, and ghosties, or monsters I fear, it's the 10 lbs of candy that will go to my rear! ;-P