The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
"Johnny, do you have a story to share?" the teacher asked.
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in the war and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down, so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops, all with their guns drawn on her.
She shot fifteen of them with her gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with her knife, until the blade broke, and then she killed the last one with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens" exclaimed his horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"
"To stay the heck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking!"
A man died and went to Heaven's Gate where St. Peter told him, “Before you meet with God, I should tell you... we’ve looked over your life, and to be honest you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad. We’re not really sure what to do with you. Can you tell me anything you did that can help us make a decision?”
The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, “Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a person who was being harassed by a group of thugs. So I pulled over, got out a bat, and went up to the leader of the thugs. He was a big, muscular guy with a ring pierced through his lip. Well, I tore the ring out of his lip, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering this guy or they would have to deal with me!”
“Wow that’s impressive!" exclaimed St. Peter. “When did this happen?”
“About three minutes ago.”
When Charles Williams saw people frantically running out of the subway in New York City, he knew something was wrong. But rather than joining the others in running from what he later found out to be a knife-wielding woman who had already stabbed one passenger, Williams, a street cleaner, ran toward the chaos.
Williams, along with another Good Samaritan, got a hold of the attacker and held her down until police came. The woman who was stabbed, 39-year-old Heather Burke, was treated for her injuries and is now reportedly home safe and sound recovering.
“I just went off pulse to help,” Williams said. “I didn’t think at the time what could happen, I just wanted to save some lives. I just thought it could have been anyone in my family, anybody else’s family in New York City.”
