Be My Anti-Valentine

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other
That is, until I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace,
If only you could hide your face.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace
Just don't take that paper bag off of your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you, no words can tell,
Except for maybe "Go To Hell!"

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

My Get Up And Go

How do I know my youth is all spent?
My get-up-and-go has got up and went.
My joints are stiff and filled with pain
The pills I take give me no gain.


I rub in the ointment like fury I do
Each pain when it leaves comes back with two.
But in spite of it all I am able to grin
When I think of the places my get-up has been.


Old age is GOLDEN I have heard it said.
But sometimes I wonder as I get into bed-
My 'ears' on the dresser, my 'teeth' in a cup,
My 'eyes' on the table until I wake up.


Ere sleep comes each night I say to myself,
"Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?"
Yet I'm happy to know as I close the door,
My friends are the same as in days of yore.


Since I have retired from life's competition
Each day is filled with complete repetition.
I get up each morning and dust off my wits
Go pick up the paper and read the 'o-bits'.


If my name isn't there I know I'm not dead;
I get a good breakfast and go back to bed.
The reason I know my youth is all spent-
My get-up-and-go has got up and went!

~ Author Unknown

When I'm An Old Lady

When I'm an old lady, I'll go live with my children and bring them great joy!

To repay all I've had, from each girl and boy. I shall draw on the walls and scuff up the floor; run in and out without closing the door.

I'll hide frogs in the pantry, socks under my bed... and whenever they scold me, I'll just hang my head.

I'll run and I'll romp, always fritter away... the time to be spent doing chores every day.

I'll pester my children when they are on the phone. As long as they're busy I won't leave them alone.

Hide candy in closets, rocks in a drawer... and never pick up what I drop on the floor.

Dash off to the movies and not wash a dish. I'll plead for allowance whenever I wish.

I'll stuff up the plumbing and deluge the floor. As soon as they've mopped it, I'll flood it some more.

When they correct me, I'll lie down and cry, kicking and screaming, not a tear in my eye.

I'll take all their pencils and flashlights, and then when they buy new ones, I'll take them again.

I'll spill glasses of milk, to complete every meal. Eat my banana and just drop the peel.

Put toys on the table, spill jam on the floor. I'll break lots of dishes, as though I were four.

What fun I shall have, what joy it will be, to live with my children... the way they lived with me!

Walking With Grandma

 

Walking With Grandma

 

I like to walk with Grandma, her steps are short like mine. She doesn't say "Now hurry up." She always takes her time. I like to walk with Grandma, her eyes see things like mine do... Wee pebbles bright, a funny cloud, half hidden drops of dew, Most people have to hurry, they do not stop to see. I'm glad God made Grandma, unrushed and young like me.