Sure Is Hot Down Here

Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult for a married couple to coordinate their travel schedules.

So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife set to fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel and found there was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife to let her know that he had arrived safely.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address and, without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.

He was a minister who had been called home to glory, following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her emai,l expecting to see messages from friends and relatives; however, after reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

Her son rushed into the room and found his mother passed out on the floor He looked at the computer and saw on the screen a message which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2014

I know you're surprised to hear from me, but they have computers here now and we are allowed to send emails to our loved ones.

I've just arrived and checked in with no problems. I see that everything is set for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is hot down here!

Technical Support

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick, the technical support guy, to have him come over and take a look at it.

Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired: 

"What's an 'ID ten T' error? I want to know in case I need to fix it again."

Rick grinned and asked,. "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote out ...... I D 1 0 T

Computer Illiterate

"Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] "Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

[Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if s/he's kicked out his/her monitor's power plug.] "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

[sound of rustling and jostling] [muffled] "Yes, I think so."

"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

[pause] "Yes, it is."

[Hmm. Well, that's interesting. I doubt s/he would have accidentally turned it off, and I don't want to send him/her hunting for the power switch because I don't know what kind of monitor s/he has and it's bound to have more than one switch on it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.] "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

[muffled] "Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

[still muffled] "I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

[clear again] "No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle--it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes--the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power--!?!" ...[AAAAAAARGH!]

"A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!" [slam]

Your Password

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.

The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing.

On the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

The Credit Card

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away.

In April he received another and threw that one away too.

The following month the credit card company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his card if he didn't send them $0.00 by return of post. He called them, talked to them, they said it was a computer error and told him they'd take care of it.

The following month he decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome credit card figuring that if there were purchases on his account it would put an end to his ridiculous predicament. However, in the first store that he produced his credit card in payment for his purchases he found that his card had been cancelled. He called the credit card company who apologized for the computer error once again and said that they would take care of it.

The next day he got a bill for $0.00 stating that payment was now overdue. Assuming that having spoken to the credit card company only the previous day the latest bill was yet another mistake he ignored it, trusting that the company would be as good as their word and sort the problem out.

The next month he got a bill for $0.00 stating that he had 10 days to pay his account or the company would have to take steps to recover the debt. Finally giving in he thought he would play the company at their own game and mailed them a check for $0.00. The computer duly processed his account and returned a statement to the effect that he now owed the credit card company nothing at all.

A week later, the man's bank called him asking him what he was doing writing a check for $0.00. After a lengthy explanation, the bank replied that the $0.00 check had caused their check processing software to fail. The bank could not now process ANY checks from ANY of their customers that day because the check for $0.00 was causing the computer to crash.

The following month the man received a letter from the credit card company claiming that his check had bounced and that he now owed them $0.00 and unless he sent a check by return of post they would be taking steps to recover the debt.

The man, who had been considering buying his wife a computer for her birthday, paid in cash for a typewriter for her instead.

A New Virus

Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this computer virus. It appears to primarily affect those who were born prior to 1960. Symptoms include:

1.  Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.

2.  Causes you to send a blank e-mail.

3.  Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.

4.  Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.

5.  Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.

6.  Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished.

7.  Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."

8.  Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE."

It is called the "C-Nile" Virus.

Before You Marry

"Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are." ~ Will Ferrell