The Difference Between Slow And Stop

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. Of course he thinks he is smarter than the deputy because he's big shot lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from this rural area. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense.

The deputy says, "License and registration, please."

"What for?" asks the lawyer.

The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

"You still didn't come to a complete stop" says the deputy, "License and registration, please."

The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

"The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!" the deputy repeats as he becomes more impatient..

The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and, without warning, starts beating the living tar out of the lawyer and says, "Would you like me to stop... or just slow down?"

Is There A Problem, Officer?

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door.

"Is there a problem, Officer?"

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. May I see your licence, please?"

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"

The man responds, "I lost it four times for drunk driving."

The policeman is shocked. "I see. May I see your vehicle registration papers, please?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

The policeman says, "Why not?"

"I stole this car."

The officer says, "Stole it?"

The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?"

"She's in the trunk if you want to see."

The officer looks at the man and then slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, his hand on his half-drawn gun...

The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle, please!"

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"

"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

"Murdered the owner?"

The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please?"

The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but empty space.

The officer says, "Is this your car, sir?"

The man says "Yes," and hands him the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite shaken. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driver's licence."

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the license in it. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The man replies, "I'll bet you that lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

The Helpful Wife

A man and his wife were driving on the highway when a state policeman appears in their mirror and obviously wants them to pull over.

State cop: "License and registration please. I clocked you on the radar going 75 mph."

Man: "There must be some mistake I was only going 65."

Wife: "Oh, honey, you were going at least 80!"

State cop: "I'm also fining you for not wearing your seat belt."

Man: "But, I just took it off as you were approaching my car."

Wife: "Come on, honey, you know you never wear your seat belt."

Man: "Listen you dumb %^?!* shut your *^&%# mouth."

State cop: "Ma'am, does he always talk to you this way?"

Wife: "Only when he's drunk!"

Louisiana State Trooper's Ball

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. A Louisiana State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book. She said, "I bet you are going to try to sell me a ticket to the Louisiana Trooper's Ball." He replied, "Louisiana State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence. He then closed his book, tipped his hat, got back in this patrol car and left.