How To Win

A young lawyer was defending a wealthy businessman in a complicated lawsuit. Unfortunately, the evidence was against his client, and he feared the worst. So, the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Cuban cigars.The partner was horrified.

"The judge is an honorable man," the partner exclaimed. "If you do that, I guarantee you will lose the case!"

Weeks later the judge ruled in favor of the lawyer's client. The partner took him to lunch to congratulate him. "Aren't you glad you didn't send those cigars to the judge?" the partner asked.

"But I did send them," answered the lawyer. "I just enclosed the plaintiff's business card."

The Lawsuit

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they's suin' them cigarette companies fer causin' people to git cancer?"

"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded his attorney.

"And now someone is suin' them fast food restaurants fer makin' them fat an' cloggin' their arteries with all them burgers an' fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?"

"Sure is, Bubba." "And that lady sued McDonald's for millions when she was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?"

"Yep."

"And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still couldn't read?"

"That's right," said the lawyer. "But why are you asking?"

"Well, I was thinkin'... what I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all dem ugly women I slept with?"