Bubble Bath Bears

Ingredients:

1/4 ounce box chocolate cake mix
1/2 cup butter, melted
1 egg
24 Rolo chocolates, unwrapped (optional)
2 cups miniature marshmallows
48 Teddy Grahams graham cracker snacks (any flavor)

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix cake mix, melted butter and egg together, creating a soft dough. Take a spoonful of batter and roll it into a small ball. Push dough ball into a mini-muffin tin. Take a Rolo chocolate and push it into the center of the batter. Fill up the muffin tin and bake for 10 minutes. Take the muffin tin out and add 3-4 mini-marshmallows on the top of each treat. Push two Teddy Graham bears into the side of each treat. Bake for 2 more minutes to melt the slightly the marshmallows. Cool and enjoy!

Our Mistress

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away. 

His wife glares at him and says, 'Who was that??!!"

"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress." 

The wife says, "That's it! I want a divorce." 

"I understand," replies her husband, "But, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But the decision is yours."

Just then the wife notices a mutual friend of theirs entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. 

"Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks. 

"That's his mistress," replies her husband.

"Ours is prettier," says the wife.

Hamburger Cupcakes

Ingredients:

1 box of brownie mix
1 box of vanilla cake mix
red icing
green icing
sesame seeds

Directions:

1.  Prepare the boxed brownie mix as directed, but make sure you bake it in a 13x9 pan. This ensures the brownies are thin enough to cut into circles
2.  Remove from oven and allow to fully cool
While the brownies are baking, prepare the cupcake mix
3.  Bake according to the directions for cupcakes, make sure you use cupcake liners (this will come in handy later)
4.  Remove from the pan
5.  Allow the cupcakes to fully cool on a wire rack
6.  Once fully cooled, removed the wrappers
7.  Cut the cupcakes in half
8.  Using a champagne glass, cut "burgers" out of the cooled brownies
9.  Place the "burger" brownie on top of half of the cupcake bun
10. Top with red icing and green icing to look like tomato and lettuce
11. Place the top cupcake bun over the icing
12. Sprinkle sesame seeds overtop

Lasagna Roll-Ups

Ingredients:

6 lasagna noodles
1 pound ground beef
1 jar (14 ounces) spaghetti sauce
1 teaspoon fennel seed, optional

Directions:

Cook lasagna noodles according to package directions. Meanwhile, in a large skillet, cook beef over medium heat until no longer pink; drain. Stir in spaghetti sauce and fennel seed if desired; heat through.
Drain noodles. Spread 1/4 cup meat sauce over each noodle; sprinkle with 2 tablespoons cheese. Carefully roll up noodles and place seam side down in an 8-in.-square baking dish. Top with remaining sauce and cheese. Bake, uncovered, at 400° for 10-15 minutes or until heated through and cheese is melted. 

Summertime Sangria

Ingredients:

1 Bottle of White Zinfandel wine
1/2 cup Amaretto
1 cup peach nectar
1qt ginger ale
2 fresh peaches, pitted, and sliced into wedges
1/2 cup fresh or frozen raspberries
A handful of fresh (torn) basil leaves

Directions:

Mix everything well in a punch bowl or large pitcher, and then add the fruit and the basil. Chill and serve cold.

I'm Fine

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.

"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine."? asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.

Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie."

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded.

"Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, "How are you feeling?"

"Now what the hell would you say?"

Lemon Blueberry Layer Cake

Ingredients:

Cake:

1 cup unsalted butter, softened to room temperature
1 and 1/4 cups granulated sugar
1/2 cup light brown sugar
4 large eggs, at room temperature
1 Tablespoon vanilla extract
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 Tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup buttermilk
zest + juice of 3 medium lemons
1 and 1/2 cups blueberries
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour

Cream Cheese Frosting:

8 ounces cream cheese, softened to room temperature
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened to room temperature
3 and 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar
1 - 2 Tablespoons heavy cream
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
pinch of salt

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350F. Spray three 9x2 inch cake pans with nonstick spray. Set aside.

To make the cake. Using a handheld or stand mixer with a paddle attachment, beat the butter on high until creamy - about 1 minute. Add granulated and brown sugars and beat on medium-high speed until creamed, about 2-3 minutes. Scrape down the sides and bottom of the bowl as needed. Add eggs and vanilla. Beat on medium speed until everything is combined (approximately 2 minutes). Set aside.

In a large bowl, toss together the flour, baking powder, and salt. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients. Beat on low speed for 5 seconds, then add the milk, lemon zest, and lemon juice. Remove from the mixer and stir lightly until everything is just combined. Toss the blueberries in 1 tablespoon of flour and fold into the batter. Batter is extremely thick, so do not over-mix, as over-mixing will result in a tough, dense textured crumb.

Spoon batter evenly into 3 prepared cake pans. If only using 2 cake pans, your bake time will be longer. Bake the three layers for about 21-26 minutes or until the toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Remove from the oven and allow to cool completely before frosting.

To make the frosting, use a handheld or stand mixer with a paddle attachment, beat the cream cheese and butter together on medium speed until no lumps remain {about 3 minutes). Add confectioners' sugar, 1 tablespoon cream, vanilla extract, and salt with the mixer running on low. Increase to high speed and beat for 3 minutes. Add 1 more tablespoon of cream to thin out, if desired.

Assemble and frost. First, using a large serrated knife, trim the tops off the cake layers to create a flat surface. Place 1 layer on your cake stand. Evenly cover the top with cream cheese frosting. Top with 2nd layer, more frosting, then the third layer. Top with frosting and spread around the sides. The recipe doesn't make a ton of frosting, just enough for a light frost. Top with blueberries or lemon garnish as desired. Refrigerate for at least one hour before cutting to keep the cake from falling apart as you cut.