New Year's Resolutions

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

My New Year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

New Years Eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.

My New Years resolution is 1080p.

My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.

If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!

I have only one resolution: to rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have. Happy New Year!

If 2014 was a person, I’d sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.

This New Year’s I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.

You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.

People treat New Year’s like some sort of life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow.

I'll remember 2014 like it was yesterday.

Dear Luck, can we be friends in 2015 Please?

In 2015, may your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you, and heaven accept you.

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.

Dear God, my prayer for 2015 is a FAT bank account and a THIN body. Please don't mix it up like you did this year.

I want to get so drunk that if vampires bit my neck they'd get a Bloody Mary.

I wanna kiss you on December 31st from 11:59 pm to 12:01 am, so I can have an amazing ending to 2014 and a beautiful beginning into 2015.

Many things can be preserved in alcohol this New Years Eve, but remember, DIGNITY is not one of them.

Every year I make a resolution to change myself... this year makeing a resolution to be myself!

I'm planning on finding new and interesting things to hate about my job in 2015.

Just heard that in 2015 there will be a new device that can turn thoughts into speech. I have had that for years, it’s called alcohol.

My New Years Resolution is to quit making New Years Resolutions.

There have been many times in 2014, when I have annoyed you, distubed you, irritated you, and bugged the hell out of you... today I just wanna tell you that I plan to continue in 2015!

Happy New Year's Everyone!