Bill Clinton

One morning, a teacher came up with a creative way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off. She started with, "This was England's finest hour..." Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, "Winston Churchill." "Congratulations," said the teacher, "you may go home." The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you..." Before she could finish, another girl student yells out, "John F. Kennedy." "Very good," says the teacher, "you may go." Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, little Jimmy said, "I wish those girls would just shut up." Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it. Jimmy jumped to his feet and proclaimed, "Bill Clinton. I'll see you all tomorrow!"

Scrumptious Egg Muffins

I like breakfasts that require a little more effort than the opening of a box and the pouring of cereal into a bowl. I love the smell of bacon or sausage wafting through the house, rousing the entire family long enough that they come into the kitchen and eagerly ask “Whatcha cooking?"

Ingredients:

1 dozen eggs, whisked
12 ounces good-quality bacon, cooked and chopped
2 cups sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
Dried basil and oregano
Salt and pepper (to taste)
1 cup parmesan cheese

Directions:

1.  Whisk eggs, cook bacon, grate cheese together in a bowl.
2.  Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line a muffin pan with paper liners.
3.  In a large bowl, stir together eggs, bacon, and cheddar cheese.
4.  Season with a pinch each of basil and oregano, then season with salt and pepper to taste.
5.  Ladle into lined muffin pan cups.
6.  Sprinkle with parmesan cheese.
7.  Bake for 25 minutes, or until puffy and slightly browned on top.
8.  Remove from oven and let cool for about 15 minutes on a wire cooling rack.
9.  Loosen paper cups with a butter knife and lift out of the muffin pan.
10. Serve immediately while still warm.

Kool-Aid Ice Cubes

This is a fun-filled treat for kids and adults, alike!

Ingredients:

2 envelopes of Kool-Aid unsweetened drink mix
1/3 cup sugar
3/4 cup water
Lemon-lime soda

Directions:

1.  Spray plastic ice cube tray lightly with cooking spray and set aside.

2.  Combine drink mix and sugar in glass measuring cup by gradually adding water and then stirring until drink mix is completely dissolved.
3.  Pour evenly into prepared ice cube tray.
4.  Freeze for 4 hours or until firm.

5.  Remove frozen cubes from ice cube tray and place into individual drinking glasses.

6.  Fill glasses with lemon-lime soda.

The Bookkeeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million dollars. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer "Ask him where the ten million bucks he embezzled from me is." The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is. The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says "Ask him again!" The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!" The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens !" The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

Potato Skin Poppers

One of the easiest quick-fix foods I've ever made and so very tasty, too!

Ingredients:

3 cups diced potatoes
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
2 cups sour cream
3/4 cup cooked bacon pieces
1/3 cup chopped green onions
1 dash salt & pepper to taste
14 8-inch flour tortillas
2 tablespoons melted butter

Directions:
1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
2. Cook the potatoes in a skillet according to the package directions.
3. In a large bowl, stir together the cooked potatoes, cheddar cheese, 1 cup sour cream, bacon, green onions, and salt and pepper.
4. Warm the tortillas according to the package directions.
5. Spoon equal amounts of the mixture in the center of the 14 tortillas.
6. Fold in two sides of each tortilla to meet in the middle, and then roll burrito-style.
7. Brush the outside of each rolled tortilla with melted butter and place on baking pan with seam down.
8. Bake for 12-15 minutes, or until golden brown.
9. Let cool for 5 minutes then cut diagonally into halves.
10. Serve with the remaining sour cream.

The Apology

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned. There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star." Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car, but I have to put my newborn kid through college somehow, don't I?"

Caramel Apple Cheesecake Bars

 



 

These are a family favorite that come out perfect every time I make them!

 

 Ingredients:

CRUST:

 2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
Cheesecake Filling:
3 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
3/4 cup sugar, plus 2 tablespoons, divided
3 large eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

APPLES:
3 Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored and finely chopped
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
Streusel Topping:
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup quick cooking oats
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened
 

DRIZZLE:
1/2 cup caramel topping for drizzling after baked
 

Directions:

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
2.  In a medium bowl, combine flour and brown sugar. Cut in butter with a pastry blender until mixture is crumbly.

3.  Press evenly into a 9x13 baking pan lined with heavy-duty aluminum foil.

4.  Bake 15 minutes or until lightly browned.
5.  In a large bowl, beat cream cheese with 3/4 cup sugar in an electric mixer at medium speed until smooth.

6.  Add eggs, 1 at a time, and vanilla. Stir to combine. Pour over warm crust.
7.  In a small bowl, stir together chopped apples, remaining 2 tablespoons sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Spoon evenly over cream cheese mixture.
8.  For the topping: In a small bowl, combine all ingredients. I like to really combine it by using my clean hands to thoroughly combine the butter into the mixture.
9.  Sprinkle topping over apples. Bake 40-45 minutes, or until filling is set. Drizzle with caramel topping and let cool. Serve.