ADKD

ADKD: Attention Deficit Kid Disorder: When you attempt to do laundry, but first must fix a blanket fort, sing the ABCs, find that ONE toy, and... hang on... someone's crying...

Girls' Night Out

The other night I was invited out for a night with the “girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him “MIDNIGHT”… he didn’t seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “oh shit” Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

The Fundraiser

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30″ she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”

“Very good” said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: “I sold magazines” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”

“Very good, Jenny,” said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath...

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467″ he said.

“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?”

“Toothbrushes” said Little Johnny.

“Toothbrushes?” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”

“I found the busiest corner in town” said Little Johnny, “I set up a Chip and Dip stand, and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample. They all said the same thing, ‘Hey, this tastes like dog crap!’ Then I would say, ‘It is dog crap! Wanna buy a toothbrush?’ I used the government's method of giving you something crappy, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it’s free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth.”

Little Johnny got five stars for his efforts, bless his heart...

Being A Parent

Being a parent is a privilege, not an obligation. Some people need to learn the difference.

Jello Cookies

Jello cookies

3/4 c butter
1/2 c sugar
3 oz (85 g) pack of any flavor jello…
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 1/2 c flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt.

Cream butter, sugar, jello and eggs.

Mix in rest of ingredients well, roll into balls and place on greased cookie sheet.
Flatten with fork. Bake for 6-8 min at 350

Suggestions: Do not share unless you've made enough for EVERYONE! lol

Strawberry Lemonade (Hard)

Summertime and the living's easy...

Strawberry Lemonade (hard)
Makes 1 pitcher/12 tall drinks

Ingredients
2 cups strawberry puree (made from fresh strawberries)
2 cups simple syrup (sugar and water mix)
2 cups lemon juice
18 ounces of vodka
Soda water
Garnish with fresh strawberries and lemon slices

Directions
Make the puree by placing the strawberries, syrup and lemon juice in a food processor (not a blender). Add that and the vodka to a pitcher full of ice. Top off with soda water. Pour into 12 tall glasses, garnish each with a fresh strawberry and lemon slice. Serve with a straw. For a single serving take a tall glass filled with ice, add 2 ounces of the strawberry lemon puree and 1.5 ounces vodka, top with soda water and garnish as above.

Thanks For The Tip

If you’ve ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will enjoy this. A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?” A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make $400 a week. Why?” The CEO said, “Wait right here.” He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.” Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?” From across the room a voice said, “Sure, he was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s and was just waiting to collect the money!”