Every Father

Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice.

That Thing You Do

You know that thing you do when you move your mouth and talk? Stop doing that, it’s annoying.

Your First Mistake

Your first mistake was to assume you had the mental capacity to be either witty or sarcastic.

4 Out of 5 Voices

4 out of 5 voices in my head think you're an idiot. The other one is deciding where to bury you. ;-P

Inner Peace

My therapist told me the way to find inner peace was to finish things I had already started. Today I finished 2 bottles of wine and a cake... I feel better already!

When I Die

When I die, I will need someone to delete my Google search history immediately. And without judgment. I'm serious... and without judgment... ;-P

You have A Tail

You have a tail because we eat GMOs (genetically modified foods), chemical fertilizers, and pesticides. On the bright side, you can use it to run faster.