Monday, September 29, 2014

The Purina Diet

A friend of mine has a Labrador Retriever that I was taking care of. While I was at Walmart, buying a large bag of dog food for him, a woman behind me in the check out line asked if it was for a dog (duh?).

On impulse, I told her no and that I was starting The Purina Diet again, even though I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. I told her I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is you load all your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I ended up in the hospital last time because I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I was sitting in the street licking my privates when a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a cardiac, and would require help as he laughed so hard he fell to the floor.

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