* Q: What do you call an elf who sings? A: a wrapper!
* For Christmas I want Santa’s list of naughty boys.
* Q: Why is Christmas just like your job? A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
* There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.
* Q: Why is Santa so jolly? A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
* Last year, I asked Santa for the sexiest person ever for Christmas... I woke up in a box.
* Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic.
* The awkward moment when Santa Claus has the same wrapping paper as your parents.
* Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed? A: Because he had low elf esteem.
* A song told me to Deck the Halls...so I did. Mr.and Mrs. Hall are not very happy right now.
* Q: Why the Christmas tree can’t stand up? A: It doesn’t have legs.
* Dear Santa, I was framed.
* Q: What do you call Santa's helpers? A: Subordinate clauses
* This holiday season, in lieu of gifts, I've decided to give everyone my opinion.
* The 4 stages of life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus 2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus 3. You dress up as Santa Claus 4. You look like Santa Claus.
* I try to be unusually kind and compassionate to those around me during the Holidays, because I never know who will end up being my Secret Santa.