Monday, March 31, 2014
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
You Cheated
The Curse
My Bank
Morning Check List
Saturday, March 22, 2014
You're Upset
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Where Your Heart Is
Monday, March 17, 2014
Tickle Me Elmo
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday."
"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."
Irish Blessing
Sunday, March 16, 2014
English-to-Dumass Dictionary
Quiet Evening
Friday, March 14, 2014
Thursday, March 13, 2014
I Wish I Could
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Good Luck, Buddy
Traditions
Monday, March 10, 2014
Here's To The Girls
Here's to all the girls who are just like me.
9 Out Of 10
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Two Choices
Thursday, March 6, 2014
“The Cockpit Of An Airline Is No Place For A Woman.”
A WestJet Airlines pilot, Carey Steacy, had just completed a Canadian domestic flight from Victoria to Calgary when cleaning staff brought her this written message. The note, written on a napkin and left on the back of a seat, was signed by ‘David’ from seat 12E.
Steacy posted a picture of the note, and her response, on Facebook: “To @David in 12E on my flight #463 from Calgary to Victoria today. It was my pleasure flying you safely to your destination. Thank you for the note you discreetly left me on your seat. You made sure to ask the flight attendants before we left if I had enough hours to be the Captain so safety is important to you, too. I have heard many comments from people throughout my 17 year career as a pilot. Most of them positive. Your note is, without a doubt, the funniest. It was a joke, right? RIGHT?? I thought, not. You were more than welcome to deplane when you heard I was a “fair lady.” You have that right. Funny, we all, us humans, have the same rights in this great free country of ours. Now, back to my most important role, being a mother.”
Steacy said that just as this man was entitled to expressing his opinion, she too had the right to disagree.
“You were more than welcome to deplane when you heard I was a ‘fair lady,’” Steacy wrote on Facebook, according to CTV. “You have that right. Funny, we all, us humans, have the same rights in this great free country of ours. Now, back to my most important role, being a mother.”
“I have two beautiful children, it is the highest honor,” Steacy told the news channel.
Steacy added that people can be surprised when they hear a female pilot come on the line, but this note was the most “raw” example of that. She said she thinks there are so few women in the field not because they couldn’t get jobs as pilots but because not many are applying to flight school.
According to the Canadian Broadcast Company, WestJet declined to comment on the incident directly but said it has 1,118 male pilots and 58 female pilots on staff.
Steacy said that just as this man was entitled to expressing his opinion, she too had the right to disagree.
“You were more than welcome to deplane when you heard I was a ‘fair lady,’” Steacy wrote on Facebook, according to CTV. “You have that right. Funny, we all, us humans, have the same rights in this great free country of ours. Now, back to my most important role, being a mother.”
“I have two beautiful children, it is the highest honor,” Steacy told the news channel.
Steacy added that people can be surprised when they hear a female pilot come on the line, but this note was the most “raw” example of that. She said she thinks there are so few women in the field not because they couldn’t get jobs as pilots but because not many are applying to flight school.
According to the Canadian Broadcast Company, WestJet declined to comment on the incident directly but said it has 1,118 male pilots and 58 female pilots on staff.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Get Out Of The Car!
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"
The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's sear. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tied, and then she realized why. it was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four of five spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake
The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing.
He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
Moral of the story? It you're going to have a senior moment... make it memorable.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
What A Coincidence
The woman said: “How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne.”
“What a coincidence,” said the farmer, who added, “It is a special day for me. I am celebrating”
“It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!” said the woman.
“It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!” said the woman.
“What a coincidence.” said the farmer.
While they toasted, the farmer asked, “What are you celebrating?”
“My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and today, my gynecologist told me that I was pregnant.”
“What a coincidence,” said the man. “I am a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilized eggs.”
“This is awesome,” said the woman. “What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?”
“I used a different rooster,” he said.
The woman smiled and said, “What a coincidence”
“What a coincidence,” said the man. “I am a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilized eggs.”
“This is awesome,” said the woman. “What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?”
“I used a different rooster,” he said.
The woman smiled and said, “What a coincidence”
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