Nope, Can't Make Me...

This is sooo me in the morning! All comfy in bed and the alarm clock goes off and I just snuggle down deeper and go, "Nope, can't make me, don't care." ;-P

Our Family

Sometimes as I sit eating Thanksgiving dinner with my family and, as look around the table, I can't help but think, "Our family is just one tent away from a full blown circus..." ;-P 

My Train Of Thought

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors. I swear, I think I have ADD, because I cannot stay on course with a single thought... ;-P

The Side Chick Is You

Roses are red, violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you! I cannot tell you how many times I've watched my friends sit home alone on Valentine's Day, because he's "working" or otherwise "busy" and they don't even have a clue...

Life Expectancy

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. Truth! There is nothing better than waking up in the morning with the crisp sweet smell of bacon frying! What a great start to a beautiful day! If I had to wake up to only the sight of a salad... I think I'd just stay in bed... ;-P

Adulthood

Adulthood is like the vet, and we're all the dogs that were excited for the car ride until we realized where we're going. OMG! Could somebody stop the car, please? ;P

Partner In Crime

You would make a terrific partner in crime! I think society should thank us for not living close to one another! ;-P

The Bus You Threw Me Under

I hope the bus you threw me under swerves to hit you on the sidewalk and then gets stuck in reverse... ;-P

Warning



Warning! While I try to please everyone... Today's not your day! And tomorrow's not looking too promising, either... ;-P

I Love You

Loved you yesterday, Love you still <3 Always have, Always will!

Definition of Mother

Definition of Mother: pronounced "muhth-er" 1. One person who does the work of twenty... for free. (See also: 'Masochist', 'Loony', 'Saint") ;-P

In Alcohol's Defense...

Well, in alcohols' defense, I've done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too... except for the Youtube videos of me dancing... that was totally all of alcohol's fault... ;-P

You Think You're tough?

So, you think you're tough? Let's see you open a box of mac and cheese using the "press here" tab, without the assistance of scissors, a knife, hammer, gun, or lightsaber. THEN I'll be impressed! ;-P

One Day I Shall Rule The World...

One day I shall rule the World Until then I'm going to bed... good night, everyone! Sweet Dreams! <3

Drinking Soda

I don't always drink soda, but when I do it's mixed with alcohol... I don't always drink juice, but... well... I think you all know what it's mixed with... ;-P

Old Photos

"That awkward moment when someone "likes' one of your old photos and you know they're digging through everything on your page." This just happened to me, but instead of liking just one, they liked a whole slew of them from different albums...

Dear Daughters

Dear Daughters,
Should I ever learn that you've been twerking anywhere, at any time, I will learn to do it myself and make sure I chaperone every single dance you ever go to.
Love,
Mom ;-P

I'm Sorry, Mom

Mom, I'm sorry for all the things I did when I was a kid. Will you please take off the curse that my kids will be 10x's worse than me? PLEASE... I'm Sorry! Mom? Are you listening? I said I was sorry... really, really, SORRY!!! ;-P

4 Out of 5 Voices

4 out of 5 voices in my head aren't on speaking terms ~ the other one is looking for something shiny... ;-P

It's Amazing How Stupid You Can Be

It's amazing how stupid people can be when they're in love... ; )

First Television

"Like" and "Share" if this was your first television! : )

A Perfect Relationship...

Most people want a perfect relationship... I just want a hamburger that looks like the ones in commercials... is that really too freaking much to ask? ;-P

I Just Said Something...

Crap! I just said something my mother would have said. I swear, every time I open my mouth, my mother comes out...

Karma's Only A Bitch

Treat people as you would like to be treated. Karma's only a bitch if you are. ; )

Chain Letters

"I hate when I forget to forward a chain letter... and IE the next day!!!" When I was younger, I truly hated getting these letters via snail mail, as you always had to rewrite them or find a place to copy them and then there I truly hated the expense of stamps, etc... those things were downright cruel...

Lead Me Not Into Temptation...

Lead me not into temptation... OH HELL who am I kidding... Follow me I know a shortcut! ;-P

I Don't Burn Bridges

I don't burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little each day. And that's exactly how it should be done, with no drama and recriminations, you just slowly sever the ties that bind and gag you... and many of which are family ties... ; )

There's Always That One Friend...

There's always that one friend and, in most pictures, I am that friend... ;-P

Drunken Girls Posing

Reminds me of drunken girls trying to pose for a picture,,, this is too funny, because it's so true! That's exactly what this looks like! ;-P

Someone Just Like You

For the rest of my life, I'm going to search for someone just like you... I truly hope I find him... : )

4 Food Groups

I cook using the 4 food groups:
* Bagged
* Boxed
* Canned
* Frozen
I am a notorious non-culinary type and anyone who knows me, know the above statement is true! Someone once asked me, while I was cooking, what was "my favorite thing to make?" Without batting an eye and with full seriousness, I replied, "Reservations." It doesn't get more honest than that... ;-P

Bad Decision

"Well, hello there. You look like a bad decision, come on over here." I met the ex in a bar and swear, this may as well have been what I said when I first saw him. Seriously, for the life of me, I don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to out with him...

Reality of Being Sexy

When my man asks me to be sexy, I've come to the realization that instead of looking like the blonde bombshell I think I look like, I look, instead, more like a worn out old housecat... ;-P

7 Rules of Life

7 Rules of Life

1. Make peace with your past so it doesn’t spoil your present.
2. What others think about you is none of your business.
3. Time heals almost everything,give the time, some time.
4. Don’t compare your life with other’s you have no idea what their journey is all about.
5. No one is a reason of your happiness except yourself.
6. Stop thinking too much its alright not to know all the answers.
7. Smile, you don’t own all the problems of world.

To quote Albert Einstein, "The distinction between the past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."

When Things Are Too Easy...

"When things are too easy, I lose interest in them, so I find ways to complicate them to get myself interested." ~ Richard Marx

Why is it that I lose interest in things so quickly? Am I the only one who seems to have major trouble keeping interest in things for any period of time? Unless there is some kind of challenge involved, I lose interest in what I'm doing. I guess, perhaps, I just have a higher learning curve... ; )

3 Rules To Live By

These are three great rules to live by:
1)  Don't shop when you're hungry
2) Don't date when you're hungry
3) Don't update your status when you're drunk
If you are able to follow these three simple rules, I can almost guarantee you a happier life... ;-P

Friday the 13th

It's Friday the 13th! KEEP CALM and don't go swimming; don't have sex; don't smoke; don't drink; don't go out; don't split up; don't run from the killer; and if you trip, get up and run; AND, ABOVE ALL... turn on the freaking light upon entering ANY room!!!

Never Forget

When I was growing up, I would often hear adults say, "I remember what I was doing when I heard the news that President Kennedy had been shot." It seemed funny to me that so many people appeared affected by one event. Later, as an adult, I sadly learned why they were so impacted... On September 11, 2001, I was getting ready for work when my husband called out to me from the living room of our California home, "Oh my God, Carrie! Come quick!" Alarmed I rushed into the living room, where he was watching TV. He pointed to the set and said, "You have to see this." I looked and saw what looked like one of the buildings of the World Trade Center on fire, as black smoke billowed from it. I could not comprehend what I was watching and I asked him if he was watching a movie. He replied that no, he was not... that a plane had just crashed into the building. I asked if it had been trying to land and he said he didn't know... it was a very short time later that another plane crashed into the second structure of WTC. Absolutely stunned and in shock, and not knowing what else to do, we both finished getting ready for work and left the house. Later that morning, it was revealed that the United States was under attack and me and my coworkers were sent home... I watched the news the rest of the day. as the horrifying details began to unfold... it is a day I will never forget...

Hang Up And Text Me

I should just change my voicemail greeting to "Hang up and text me." Because, I'm probably not going to listen to your voicemail, anyway, and if it were an emergency, you'd probably just text me to begin with. ; )

Pole Dancing

"At my age the only pole dancing I do is to hold on to the safety bar in the bathtub." True story! Whereas, at one time, I was able to just "pop" up out of the bathtub; now it takes three men, a boy, AND their dog to help pull me out! ;-P

Looking At Graffiti On A Bridge

*Looking at graffiti on a bridge* Some people: "That's vandalism!" Other people: "That's art!" Me: "How the hell did they get up there?" I used to work near downtown Los Angeles, where there is a LOT of graffiti. Everyday, as I drove the freeways through downtown, I always marveled at the graffiti on brides and the tall retaining walls, on either side of the freeway, and wondered, "How the hell do people get all UP there?" lol ;-P

We Come To Love

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." There is no such thing as perfect person, as we all have some imperfections, some small, some greater; however, once we learn to love another and our love for them grows deeper, the imperfections seem to fade. We begin to see this once "imperfect" person through the eyes of love and the imperfections, although they are still there, virtually vanish as we come to love them, as well. "Imperfections" can be beautiful, when seen through the eyes of love!

If You Need Me

"If you need me, call me. I don't care if I'm sleeping, if I'm having my own problems or if I'm angry at you. If you need me and if you need to talk to me, I'll always be there for you. No matter how big or small your problem is, I'll be there. " ~ Unknown

Murphy's Law For Moms

Murphy’s Law for Moms

 

1. If you wear black, they will have a runny nose.

2. If you wear white, they will have muddy hands.

3. If you change their diaper, they will immediately poop in the new one.

4. If you mop the floor, they will spill something.

5. If you put on fresh socks, you will immediately step in whatever was spilled.
6. If it is perfect, they will fix that for you.

7. If you say it, they will repeat it.

8. If it’s important, they will forget it.

9. If you’re tired, they will not be.

10. If you love them, you will see the beauty in it all.

Living Life To The Fullest

They say that a messy house is a sign of living life to the fullest. So, screw the laundry. Pour me a drink. And can you make I, please? ;-P

Walking With Grandma

 

Walking With Grandma

 

I like to walk with Grandma, her steps are short like mine. She doesn't say "Now hurry up." She always takes her time. I like to walk with Grandma, her eyes see things like mine do... Wee pebbles bright, a funny cloud, half hidden drops of dew, Most people have to hurry, they do not stop to see. I'm glad God made Grandma, unrushed and young like me.

You Facebook Updates

I've seen your Facebook updates... you'll get a dictionary for Christmas... there are times, I truly wish there was a Santa Claus and that he could see all the "children" who are being naughty or nice and he can do that by opening a Facebook account.... ;-P

Sometimes I feel...

Sometimes, I feel more confused than a mood ring on a paranoid, bi-polar, schizophrenic chameleon in a bag of Skittles... to put it succinctly! ;-P

Evian Water

“Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.” To me, there is absolutely no bigger waste of money than buying $2 bottles of water. Alright, perhaps cigarettes and/or alcohol are a bigger waste; but still, bottled water? Think about it!  That’s like bottling air and selling it. Hey, wait! I have an idea... ;-P

Mom's Week

Nothing says, "I mean business," like using a shopping cart at the liquor store... Here is how you can tell when mom has had a bad week... ;-P